New Blog!!!

Hello "out there". I've started a new blog called The Stumbly Diva. It's marking a new place in my life that will be full of fun and adventure. Please visit me there :-)

Thanks Bridgette...

So I was watching Bridgette Jone's Diary and there was a scene when she gets arrested and put in a Thai jail.  Her ex-boyfriend comes to deliver the news that she's free to go, but there's no emotion toward her (he doesn't show it at least).  She goes back to the cell crying and when they ask her what's wrong, she's crying because he doesn't love her anymore.

I sort of chuckled at how sweetly she said it, then I started balling!  I don't cry a lot these days, mostly because I don't have the time and I'm not sure if I have reason enough.  I was actually wishing I could cry and foolishly thinking getting falsely arrested in a foreign prison probably wold do the trick.  Then that line about him not loving her anymore...that was it.  It isn't what she said, it was the bitter reality that her fantasy of what was or might have been met head on with the (apparent) truth of the matter that her dreams were just that as well as the reality of her irrelevance.

Remember in high school when you thought "everybody" was thinking about you and it was so important for everybody to get the exact right impression of you?  You work hard because that imaginary audience feels so real.  For me, around somewhere in my middle twenties, I became aware that there really wasn't an audience for me to work for, but I was motivated still to try and act out something important that would win accolades by that elusive "everybody".

In my thirties I realized that no one's really watching at all and perform though I might, there will be no accolades.  As I work on my art and business I tried to recapture an emotion and energy that drove my work when I was younger and it was gone.  I had this fantasy that when I really got into my work, it would be fueled by this raw emotion and be full of angst, turmoil, and all of that stuff.  But that stuff isn't available tome the same way anymore.  I've learned more about life and don't feel a need to react to my surroundings and "get" my surrounding to react to me like I used to.  I much calmer in one way, and in another way, I don't feel a need to give away my edge...but to keep it and let it fuel who I am.  But where did that leave my art?

I felt irrelevant and incapable of making anything that would speak to the soul of another person.  I felt like maybe art didn't love my anymore as it wasn't willing to give me what I longed for...sales, affirmation, a place to be taken seriously....I need to get ready for the day and this is a lot already so I'll come back later to finish it up!

It's been a while...

Here's my latest work. I love it! It's so wild and silly...so me! I've been "away" reflecting on what I'm doing and why. Reflecting on how not to turn my art into the new rat race for myself. I don't know if I've figured it out. I'll only know that over time, but I feel good about where things are right now... I found this new site: The Vegan Diet: Lavender in the Kitchen It's quite interesting....Enjoy!

Smokin' Hot and WIde Awake!

I went out today and I felt smokin' hot in my hot pink sweater and dangerous blue jeans.  It was simple but I felt in command of my self, my body, my emotions...maybe surrendered is a better word because I refused to worry about anything.  I expected this feeling to come when I was 35, but it's coming sooner than expected...

I should mention on that note that I've felt these days like I'm "waking up"  waking up from a sleep that lasted 30 years, maybe 20 because 1-10 I was clueless.  It's like a darkness is lifting and things are making sense.  In the awakening there is sudden grief, joy, anger, etc.  I grieve when I realize all that I didn't know and gave away because I didn't take my time in life.  The joy is because I survived, because I have love.  The anger is because those years are gone.  They are gone and I can't get them back and I don't always know where to go from where I am.  I cry easily, I laugh harder, I am beginning to remember myself and the things I liked and I am seeking a place for them.  It's a challenge, no doubt, it's a challenge...I wonder what lies ahead not that I am awake. 

Scrumptious night...

It's cold outside, but cozy in the house.  We have watched Star Wars for the third time in two days and my little guy is sitting near by twirling his blanket named Monkey after having a wild time with his action figures.  The hubby is at class and will hopefully get home soon.  I'm believing in my work and my future as an artist.  I've had a couple of sales to boot!  I'm obsessed with drawing pregnant women, the subject of my next several ACEOs and I am assuming it's a symbol of something new and beautiful coming forth since I'm not preggers.  I have no complaints and many thanks...Scrumptious night.

The Darkness of Possibility

It's late so I'll be quick...This is my new ACEO posted on my shop.  It's about walking into the dark room of possibility, or taking the chance to live your dreams or the life that you value.  In it's darkness it's about hope and faith and the fact that embracing both concepts is sometimes a dark experience until you see a glimmer of light through the slightest affirmation.  For me that is getting a compliment on my art, or getting a sale!  Maybe it's also about reframing darkness as a concept ~ more specifically, what dwells in darkness.  I'm a little more reflective these days than I have been in a whole. I have a new small series that will come out of this.  I can't wait to see it!  It'll be called (maybe) "Are you my savior" or "Who is my savior"... The piece pictured here is 3.5"X2.5".  

The hopeful chicken bird...HAPPY LEAP DAY!!!

This is my newest piece! It's called "I Can Wait". I had originally planned to call this little cutie "The Anatomy of a Chicken" because of how I scketched it with the paint, but then when I saw it, the title "I Can Wait" came to me.

It's sort of funny because I've been impatient lately and my friend Glenda has talked me down from the ledge a couple of times this week! The waiting game of seeing your passion become and reality is tough. It's not just a waiting game...it's a working-while-waiting game. No giving up allowed.

So anyway, no giving up here! In fact the little birdie and her friend are patiently waiting for something quite amazing. The piece is done with layers of newspaper over stronger brown paper. It's a part of my series using newspaper as canvas. Funtimes!


Last but not least I have another thought to continue the movement:
#3: If I am polite enough to stop so you can get into your parking lot or some tiny side street, HAUL IT! Don't sit there rockin' to your jam like I owe you. In fact I reserve the right to wait 5 seconds and if you don't go, I'm moving up and don't you dare beep or gesture.